I Got Glasses!

“Hey Marty, are those new glasses?”

“Yeah, I just got ‘em for school. Don't you think they make me look smarter?”

 “Nah, you can still see yah face!”

I was a huge fan of Grease the musical growing up. Well, I suppose moreso Grease the Movie as I have never actually seen the Broadway play or heard any version other than the 1978 movie cast recording featuring the pre-Sceintology John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.

As a child, I listened to the record constantly and idolized the angelic loveliness of Sandy. At one point, I even wanted to change my name to match hers but settled for using it as my pseudonym when playing Sega. When I re-watched the movie as a teenager, I realized what a wiener Sandy was and I knew I was Team Rizzo for life. Stockard Channing may have been miscast, playing a teenager at the age of 33 but to me, she was just pure badass.

I remember reading how old she was at the time of casting and thinking, holy fuck, that’s old. Now I’m a year shy of being able to play a rebelliously slutty ‘50s teenager myself and despite that they say about 30s being the new whatevers, sometimes I’m starting to feel fucking old myself.

For example, did I mention that I was recently diagnosed with early-stage cataracts? It’s totally normal they say, it is the most commonly performed surgery in North American (as they whisper under their breaths, in old people…). For me, they developed because of the post-transplant pill cocktail that keeps me good and immune-suppressed. I guess that stuff can really start to mess with your body after a while.

So now I am the proud owner of my first pair of glasses. Vision starts to go in your old age, ya know. It’s an interesting thing, trying to pick out an accessory that you will be forced to wear on a daily basis. Aside from the functional benefit of better vision, the pressure is on to pick a pair of frames that speak to your personality and in time, become a defining part of your image.

For me, I have a strange long face and facial features that don’t lend themselves well to being highlighted so finding the right pair was a bit of a challenge. There is something about trying on hundred pairs of glasses to emphasize the genetic betrayals that were passed on to you. I found myself with a box of 10 pairs of essentially the same frames and my sister and I pared it down to the eventual winner.

Now I have glasses. It’s a difficult thing to get used to. I feel like I’m wearing sunglasses indoors all the time so I’m unintentionally sending out a douchy vibe. The arms make me feel like things are creeping up on me, I feel like a Poindexter when I have to push them up. And now, they are a part of me and I just have to fucking deal.

It’s weird.